American Fathers 4Change with a mission of helping to bring awareness that by increasing the proportion of children growing up with involved, responsible, and committed fathers it will improve the well being of children.
"The man as he converses is the lover; silent, he is the husband." ~ Honore de Balzac
Here'sBarbara Kay again with her usual lucid, fact-based piece (National Post, 6/15/11). In it she raises a number of good points, one of which I should have raised earlier myself. I'm delinquent for not having done so and will duly fall on my sword at the appropriate moment. That point is simple; over the past, say, 20 years, fathers have taken on more and more of the care of their children. That's reflected in statistics and it's also reflected in popular culture where we see movies, commercials, sitcoms, novels, etc. about fathers and children or at least involving them in significant roles.
But courts remain firmly stuck in the past; the overwhelming majority of child custody still goes either solely or primarily to mothers. What that means is that children and fathers suffer as never before when parents divorce. In the past, dad may have seen his role as exclusively the breadwinner and therefore taken little part in day-to-day childrearing. In the event of divorce, it could be argued that separating him from his child wouldn't be too traumatic for either. After all, their relationship was a bit distant anyway. I would object to that argument, but now, with fathers bonding ever more closely to children, consigning him to the role of paying visitor is doubly bad policy. It's an important point and one I'll come back to in the future, partly because the always excellent Dr. Edward Kruk makes it in his new book, to which Kay refers.
Parental Alienation does hurt siblings. It destroys the family, and creates victims in the children left behind who grieve the loss of their siblings. Parental Alienation inflicts real emotional and psychological abuse on siblings who are caught in the crossfire, or intentionally made a victim.
Steps To Take To Deal With Your Alienated Children
Dealing With Them When During Visitation/After Reunification.
First of all, let us discuss the more common of the two; the scenario of visitation.
Whether visitation is one day of the week or several, the behavior of an alienated child is most likely to be the same. Children are generally resistant and defiant, and will attempt to diffuse the alienated parent, and will make every attempt to diffuse the visitation. From ill behavior, violence, rudeness, underhanded tack ticks, you can expect anything.
Generally, anything and everything can happen and a parent has to be on their guard. This is no time for cupcakes and ice cream. Young children in the family have to be guarded as well if they are from a second marriage. If I am sounding harsh, I mean to be, I am realistic. I have seen this happen.
Of course, as with everything in life, there are acceptations to every rule.
You may have a perfectly adjusted child who has been alienated from you. If that is the case, ignore everything I have said above.
These children are emotionally behind by ten years by the time they are in their teens. Yes, they behave like 6-8 year olds. They may walk, talk and look like their peers, and are 4.0 students like my four children are, but emotionally, they are stunted.
Over 1,700 research studies conclude that men and women engage in partner aggression at similar rates. Yet some groups ignore the problem of mutual abuse, minimize female-initiated aggression, and claim that DV is an expression of patriarchal power.
“Groups that distort the truth are keeping us from ending the cycle of violence.” — S. Hutter, SAVE --
Battered Men - The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence
Latest Research Findings
Research Findings on Intimate Partner Violence Against Men
SUMMARY: According to a 2010 national survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Department of Justice (NISVS), in the last 12 months more men than women were victims of intimate partner physical violence and over 40% of severe physical violence was directed at men. Men were also more often the victim of psychological aggression and control over sexual or reproductive health. Despite this, few services are available to male victims of intimate partner violence.
Here are some of the graphs from two articles I am working on, "The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey and the Perils of Advocacy Research" (publication pending in the Journal of Aggression, Conflict and Peace Research) and "National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey and the Perils of Advocacy Research" Here is a PowerPoint slide show with the complete set of graphics.
Click here to download a PowerPoint slide show presentation of these graphics
Feel free to use it, for friends and family, domestic viiolence people, policy-makers, legislators, other government officials, or whomever! I hope it's useful.
“[A] twelve-year study commissioned by
the Family Law Section of the American
Bar Association of over 1,000 divorces
found that ‘parental alienation,’ the
programming of a child against the
other parent, occurs regularly, sixty
percent (60%) of the time, and
sporadically another twenty percent.”
There is no doubt that every child needs “frequent
and regular” contact with both parents to develop in a
psychologically healthy manner.2 A custodial parent is,
therefore, obligated by law to ensure the continued relationship
between the child and the non-custodial parent.3
The Appellate Division, Second Department,
explained why frequent contact is needed between
them:
Only [with frequent contact] may a
non-custodial parent provide his child
with the guidance and counsel youngsters
require in their formative years.
Only then may he be an available
source of comfort and solace in times of
his child’s need. Only then may he
share in the joy of watching his offspring
grow to maturity and adulthood.
. . .
Indeed, so jealously do the
courts guard the relationship between a
non-custodial parent and his child that
any interference with it by the custodial
parent has been said to be “an act so
inconsistent with the best interests of
the children as to, per se, raise a strong
probability that the [offending party] is
unfit to act as custodial parent.”
. . . The decision to bear children,
[moreover], entails serious obligations
and among them is the duty to protect
the child’s relationship with both parents
even in the event of a divorce.
Hence, a custodial parent may be properly
called upon to make certain sacrifices
to ensure the right of the child to
the benefits of visitation with the noncustodial
parent. The search, therefore,
is for a reasonable accommodation of
the rights and needs of all concerned,
with appropriate consideration given to
the good faith of the parties in respecting
each other’s parental rights.4
Nevertheless, a twelve-year study commissioned by
the Family Law Section of the American Bar Association
of over 1,000 divorces found that “parental alienation,”
the programming of a child against the other parent,
occurs regularly, sixty percent (60%) of the time, and
sporadically another twenty percent.5
New York courts have in the past “zealously protected”
the non-custodial parent’s visitation rights
against interference by the custodial parent.6 Custodial
parents seeking to exclude the other parent have, therefore,
taken to socially and psychologically turning the
child away from the other parent so that the child, and
not the custodial parent, refuses the visitation.
This type
of “alienation” has been characterized by the Second
Department as a “subtle and insidious” form of visitation
interference that may cause even “greater and
more permanent damage to the emotional psyche of a
child” than the garden variety visitation interference.7
This article will summarize the leading literature in
the field of alienation. Part One will review the different
techniques employed by alienating parents to marginalize
and exclude the other parent from their children’s
lives. It will set out the most common symptoms of
alienation so that the reader will be more attuned to
recognize and deal with potential alienation, and counsel
clients who are effected by it.
Finally, it will describe
the profound and enduring devastating psychological,
emotional and social consequences alienation has on its
primary victims—the children.
Part Two of the article will appear in a subsequent
issue and describe the effective treatments for alienation,
and how New York courts have traditionally and
recently dealt with the issue. Because alienation has
such profound inter-generational consequences, judges
and lawyers must be ever-vigilant to detect and deal
with alienation, no matter the guise by which it is concealed.
10 NYSBA Family Law Review | Spring 2006 | Vol. 38 | No. 1
Compiled by DV LEAP, Joan Meier, Director, and Andrew Hudson (intern) for consideration by the Committee on the DSM-V The following brief compilation includes cases that DV LEAP is aware of, either through its own litigation, that of colleagues, and/or press accounts. Where there are published appellate opinions, cases are cited instead in the accompanying memorandum overview of all published cases referencing PAS as of 2009. A very few cases are cited in both this memorandum and the accompanying one.
1) O. v. O. (Ark. 2008) In a divorce action, the husband admitted to physically abusing the wife on two occasions, and the trial court credited the wife’s account of a third incident, but found that it did not reach the level of domestic violence. The oldest child and to a lesser extent the younger child reported abusive incidents by the father, and fear of the father, to their therapist, who testified. However, a psychiatrist – relied on by the state child protection agency - testified that the mother’s and children’s allegations of physical abuse were nothing more than Parental Alienation Syndrome. On this basis, as well as the trial court’s finding that the three known incidents did not constitute a “pattern,” as required by statute, the court denied a PO. The court subsequently awarded sole physical custody of the children to the husband, again influenced largely by the PAS evaluator. The psychiatrist testified that the mother would, if given the opportunity, spread the “condition” to the other children as well. After the trial court’s order was entered, the father was arrested at gun-point and charged with child endangerment after he fled the scene of an auto accident he caused, leading police on a high-speed chase with the three boys in the truck. Despite this and another incident necessitating temporary removal of the children from the father, neither DHS nor the court would return custody to the mother, and the father retains custody. Both the PO and the custody case are on appeal. www.dvleap.org 2) B v. D (2001-2007) Mother and father had never lived together, and father was threatening and abusive toward the mother. On returning from a visit at her father’s the daughter (then 5) told her mother that the child’s father had touched her vagina with his fingers for “a long time.” After being advised by the counselor who had been working with the child to report to DCF, DCF advised her to call the police and pediatrician. The police commenced their own investigation which included an interview of the team by the State’s abuse team coordinator, employed by the Yale-New Haven Child Abuse and Sex Abuse Clinic. The child reported several other sexual touchings to this evaluator, who found her statements credible. The Yale Clinic found that the child had been sexually abused. DCF’s social worker also reported a credible disclosure by the child. The father was criminally prosecuted but the case resulted in a hung jury. The child refused to testify again so re-prosecution was not possible. In the meantime the Family Court concluded that the father had not abused the daughter, in large part due to the opinions of several evaluators who opined that the mother and daughter were afflicted by Parental Alienation Syndrome. They claimed that the mother fervently believed that her daughter was molested, and had convinced her daughter that she was, but she wasn’t. At least one of these “diagnoses” was provided without any contact with the child. The father then sued the mother in civil court for “malicious prosecution” and received an award of $3.5 million damages, which was upheld despite a vigorous and well-conducted appeal. The father has since terminated his parental rights; the mother is sole provider for the child, and is forced to pay the father a weekly deduction from her meager paycheck. (The father is now suing the state agencies that believed the child; he also unsuccessfully sued one of the judges.)
Advocates for the rights of our children and their parents to have meaningful life-long relationships.
The BEST Parent is BOTH Parents!!
Fathers have become undervalued, family structure has become disposable, children suffer without both parents but so often father is left out, seen as nonessential. Let's correct this by bringing attention to it! We're happy to populate the Internet with information that is helpful, supportive, and conducive to fostering father-child relationships, reducing or eliminating Parental Alienation, for the betterment of our children's psychological and emotional health, and for the future health of our families and societies.
Fathers have become undervalued, family structure has become disposable, children suffer without both parents but so often father is left out, seen as nonessential. Let's correct this by bringing attention to it! We're happy to populate the Internet with information that is helpful, supportive, and conducive to fostering father-child relationships, reducing or eliminating Parental Alienation, for the betterment of our children's psychological and emotional health, and for the future health of our families and societies
Human rights are moral principles or norms, that describe certain standards of human behavior, and are regularly protected as legal rights in municipal and international law. They are commonly understood as inalienable fundamental rights "to which a person is inherently entitled simply because she or he is a human being... Continue Reading
Once again the Family Section of the Florida Bar has opposed our bill, even though the time sharing language does not contain a rebuttable presumption.They have already written Governor Scott asking him to, once again, VETO our bill. The National Organization of Women(NOW) is opposed to our bill and will also demand that Governor Scott Veto the bill. One more time, I must ask you——If you want alimony reform—-to:
Judge Edwin Kelly failed to provide adequate oversight and supervision of marital masters and judges in the HooksettFamily Divisionby permitting ongoing malfeasance to occur after Petitioner notified him of it in a lengthy letter to which same judge, with the power to fire Marital Masters at will, responded that he had no authority to intervene.
Family Courts adversarial environment where it is argued is ripe for distortions and partial truths. What is important to know is that there have been specific arguments created to discredit it that can be shown to be absolutely false. For example, the argument that it is not accepted by the professional community can be shown to be absolutely false. The argument about its presence or absence in the DSM-5 can be answered completely and affirmatively. The argument that it is “junk science” can be shown to be completely unsupported by the scientific literature.
IS FLORIDA’S GOVERNOR SCOTT MAKING ALIMONY REFORM POLITICAL AGAIN? | Get News ga('create', 'UA-47275228-1', 'getnews.info'); ga('send', 'pageview'); Home Business Lifestyle Health & Medicine Technology Financial Market U.S. World Home » Media & Communications, News & Current Affairs, Society & Culture, Government & Politics, Website & Blog » IS FLORIDA’S GOVERNOR SCOTT MAKING ALIMONY REFORM POLITICAL […]
Americans for Equal Rights for Fathers 86 members Start a conversation with your group Stephen Krasner Public Service and Advocacy Father’s Experience in Orange County, New York We have a problem in the arena of divorce and custody. We have a system that is not impartial and often serves as a breeding ground for disingenuous … Continue reading Americans for Equal Rights for Fathers
Divorce Corp Director, Joseph Sorge, interviews renowned economist and lead author of a breakthrough study on the costs of raising a child, Professor William Comanor. Watch this video to learn the shocking facts about how child support costs are currently calculated and why they need to be revised. Then share this interview with your state legislators to support child support reforms.
Intellectuals fretting about income disparity are oddly silent regarding the decline of the two-parent family. An excerpt from this article: Suppose a scientific conference on cancer prevention ne…
Hunger protest at the state capital in Kansas. Ray Schwabstrong talks about how the system systematically isolated his parental rights to see and be part of his children's lives. Ray talks about how is daughter was sexually abused while in custody of the state. To further the argument, Ray further explains the corruption within family court and social services and how the judge makes up rules as they continue a unconstitutional proceedings.
Joining the long list of Republican governors who have passed abortion restrictions recently, Florida Governor Rick Scott signed a law that cuts off all state funding to any clinics providing abortion services, and also would restrict clinics with laws similar to those under argument at the Supreme Court this term. Clinics are no long allowed funding for other medical services for low-income women, even though state funding is already cut off from abortions. In addition, the doctors that conduct abortions would have to have admitting privileges at a hospital within a reasonable dist...more »
There is nothing like the love of a daughter to make even the worst days wonderful. The reverse is equally true. The love of a father powerfully reassures security and self-confidence. [Tweet This] However, it needs to be clearly displayed and communicated. Here are simple gestures that say, “I love my daughter.”
For years now, you knew there was something wrong with the system. Like many parents, you may have even doubted yourself. Until now, the pieces of the puzzle are finally coming together. The chickens are coming home to roost. It’s no longer a secret what’s happening all around us. The parallels between what both Mr. Koziol and Mr. Trump have said, are virtually identical. Unfortunately, the retaliation and the attacks by the establishment for exposing the truth have also come with a hefty price tag for both gentleman.
For the second time, lawmakers are sending an alimony overhaul to Gov. Rick Scott, who vetoed a previous attempt at rewriting Florida's divorce statutes three... Source: Florida Legislature sends controversial alimony and child-support law to governor for approval Excerpt: "This is people's lives that we are playing with. We cannot afford to play games with people's lives.
”This is not a question of fathers’ or mothers’ rights; it is about protecting the rights of children to have two loving parents fully involved in their lives wherever possible, to the benefit of the children, their families, and wider society,”
Our Open Letter to Florida Gov. Rick Scott! Please Sign Bill 668 For the Children of Flordia Dear Governor Scott, The Men’s Rights Group of Arizona strongly urge you to sign SB 668. This Bill will bring Florida into the 21st Century with Alimony Reform and require shared parenting time. Florida’s current Alimony Laws are archaic and more closely resemble the family and economic
...by Men's Rights Group of Arizona Our Open Letter to Florida Governor Rick Scott Please Sign Bill 668 For the Children of Florida Dear Governor Scott, The Men’s Rights Group of Arizona strongly urge you to sign SB 668. This Bill will bring Florida into the 21st Century with Alimony Reform and require shared parenting time. Florida’s current Alimony Laws are archaic and
It has been proven time and time again that having BOTH parents in the child's life makes a huge impact, but the Family court tells the fathers when they can see their child, where they can take their child, and what they can do with their child.
Are the new guidelines excessive and unfair, as a lawsuit charges? Or were the old guidelines too stingy? How much child support is enough? How much is too much? They will have less time to spend with their children, and may be left with a much lower standard of living than the custodial parents.
Thanks to a society plagued by sexism and misogyny that teaches men to suppress their feelings and avoid all emotions, men (and plenty of women) talk about fatherhood like it's a joke: Fathers are so funny in their failures when they try to "be like mom," and fathers are just so silly, trying to be parents when it's clearly not something they're "programmed" to be. It's disheartening, to say the least. It puts an unfair burden on women to do most of the parenting and handle most of the responsibility, while also telling men that their non-monetary parenting contributions simply do n...more »
"Borrando a Papá" es una película que visualiza los efectos del síndrome de alienación parental o manipulación parental. El drama de muchos padres e hijos que se encuentran aislados por el rencor y odio que se genera tras la separación, y el cual ve favorecido su desarrollo por el sistema judicial, cuando es la madre quien trata de impedir y obstaculizar el contacto de los menores con el padre.
"So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home." (Tecumseh).
American Fathers Liberation: ALL Men’s Rights are Human Rights. ’nuff said http://bit.ly/1JgMgEm
