American Fathers 4Change with a mission of helping to bring awareness that by increasing the proportion of children growing up with involved, responsible, and committed fathers it will improve the well being of children.
"The man as he converses is the lover; silent, he is the husband." ~ Honore de Balzac
Here'sBarbara Kay again with her usual lucid, fact-based piece (National Post, 6/15/11). In it she raises a number of good points, one of which I should have raised earlier myself. I'm delinquent for not having done so and will duly fall on my sword at the appropriate moment. That point is simple; over the past, say, 20 years, fathers have taken on more and more of the care of their children. That's reflected in statistics and it's also reflected in popular culture where we see movies, commercials, sitcoms, novels, etc. about fathers and children or at least involving them in significant roles.
But courts remain firmly stuck in the past; the overwhelming majority of child custody still goes either solely or primarily to mothers. What that means is that children and fathers suffer as never before when parents divorce. In the past, dad may have seen his role as exclusively the breadwinner and therefore taken little part in day-to-day childrearing. In the event of divorce, it could be argued that separating him from his child wouldn't be too traumatic for either. After all, their relationship was a bit distant anyway. I would object to that argument, but now, with fathers bonding ever more closely to children, consigning him to the role of paying visitor is doubly bad policy. It's an important point and one I'll come back to in the future, partly because the always excellent Dr. Edward Kruk makes it in his new book, to which Kay refers.
These cutbacks are preventing parents and children from accessing legal support and this, to our mind at least, is a direct breach of Article 6.
Munby’s observation that the Family Court is a place devoid of compassion and humanity does not just apply to access to legal aid. It applies in every corner of the system where support services are being pared down, where training is not up to par and where working culture allows child protection processes to be ignored and even illegally circumvented.
Researching Reform supports Munby’s continued efforts to speak out about these issues, many of which he has touched upon in previous judgments – now we need Sir Munby to push a little harder. We have seen him talk about other controversial issues, such as male circumcision, but much like his comment on access to legal aid in the current case above, his wording is typically sheepish and cautious.
And whilst some might argue that judges should not be political nor allow their personal views to intertwine with their work (which for the most part we agree with), when it comes to government policy and legislation, the moment they begin to impact on basic human rights, every judge in the land has a duty to speak out.
The family justice system does not need more armchair philosophers or half hearted sentiment. 2016 is the year in which we must tell it like it is – and demand change.
There is often talk about the glass ceiling and little talk about the glass floor. Men are being denied their rights as fathers, workers and human beings by the courts and other institutions that have simply gone too far. Feminist movements while promoting equality seem to be replacing the good old boys’ club with a good old girls’ one. Some in the country think it is time for men to take a stand and work with visioned women for REAL equality.
This show will feature Harry Croutch of theNational Coalition for Men and Men’s Legal Center in San Diego along with RK Hendrick, Esq, an attorney and author of the book How To Avoid GettingScrewed When Getting Laid”. Eric Von Sydow will be commenting on his books and role in helping men cope in today’s society. Join us for what is sure to be a provocative discussion.
Goals of the Fathers' Rights Movement The fathers' rights movement arose in response to the perception that fathers were not being given equal treatment in child custody litigation. Fathers' advocacy groups typically to focus upon some or all of the following beliefs: A "traditional" division of parental roles during a marriage should not of itself mean that the father should not be considered as a custodian following divorce; Children are best served by being in the care of both parents, and thus there should be a legal presumption of joint physical custody and equal parenting time following divorce; Fathers are at a disadvantage throughout the entire custody litigation process. Fathers' rights groups assert that changes of this nature will create a family court environment where both parents are treated fairly and equally, and diminish the effects of legislation and, in some cases, of judicial bias which favors the mother. Fathers' rights groups also typically point to studies which show that the absence of a father from a child's life can lead to a wide variety of negative behavioral and educational consequences. Because We’re Not Asking You To Make A Career Out Of This Cause. We’re just asking you to show your kids and everyone else what it means to have the integrity to stand up for others and do what’s right; regardless of your personal circumstances. We’re asking you to make a powerful point by speaking with what you do; not with what you say you’ll do. Are you with us? The BEST Parent is BOTH Parents JOIN US~~> www.causes.com AFLA JOIN US ~~> www.causes.com/causes/804504-american-fathers-rights-afla
Stories straight from the mouths of children who have lived through abuse, court corruption, and being taken away from a fit and loving parent:
The effects of divorce on children vary widely dependent on age, gender, the reason(s) for divorce, financial and social status, family support and a wide array of other factors. These effects can range from mild to severe.
However, when the final result of the divorce, either immediately or years afterwards, is the minimization or removal of a relationship with the Non-Custodial parent, the effects on children are devastating.
The unfortunate part is that too many Custodial Parents fail to acknowledge the invisible and irreparable emotional scars left on their children by not encouraging a positive, loving relationship with the Non-Custodial parent. In some cases the custodial parent even believes they are encouraging such a relationship; yet they move the children to the next town, the next county or in the worst cases, across the country from the Non-Custodial parent; all the while saying, "Oh sure, I encourage a relationship with their Mother/Father!" In some of these cases the parent/child relationship does thrive to a good extent. But never to the extent that it would had the children not been moved away.
The children who are used as pawns in a game of control and manipulation suffer long term emotional wounds they will carry with them for the rest of their life. They lose time with the Non-Custodial parent that they will never get back. Little momentous occasions such as riding a bike for the first time without training wheels, getting on a school bus for the first time, hitting their first home-run, their first school dance, their first prom date. The list goes on and on. The vengeful custodial parent sees these events as being taken away from their former spouse, when in reality the children are harmed just as bad if not worse than the non-custodial parent.
Adults can figure out ways to deal with the anger and grief caused by such narcissistic moves; children cannot.
Even more unfortunate is that many custodial parents do not realize that it's their own adult relationship with their children which they are putting in jeopardy when they bad mouth, insult, and otherwise degrade the non-custodial parent. When a custodial parent moves children away from the non-custodial parent for no other reason(s) than a better job, a better home, to be closer to relatives; the children do grow to resent the custodial parent. This is shown through many examples of Non Custodial parents whose children are now grown and have left the custodial parent to live with the parent they were separated from. In most cases, there is still love present, but it's respect that is lost. Too many custodial parents believe that their children will be children forever and cannot see past their immediate need to maintain control over a former spouse.
Some of the obvious effects on a child from being separated from a fit and loving parent are: Emotional Immaturity - Some children subconsciously do not want to "grow up" without the other parent around to experience it. Out of love for the absent parent, they attempt to remain a child for as long as possible, in the hopes there may be a reunification and things can pick up where they left off.
Conflicting Loyalties - In a large number of cases, children feel conflicting loyalties toward parents. This is especially true when one parent "bribes" or manipulates the children's loyalty with money or promises of great things if they don't go with the other parent. Conflicting loyalties is especially hard when one parent or the other makes the children feel guilty if they express desire to change primary residence. "Oh, if you want to go and live with your Mother then you must not love me!". Comments such as these are extremely confusing to a child; especially if the other parent shows love and respect for them, no matter what their decision is.
In a high percentage of these cases, the children will lean toward and stay with the parent who applies the guilt; until they are older and able to process the information on a mature level. At that point, it goes back to the loss of respect for the parent who applied the guilt.
Difficulty in CommunicatingFeelings - Children who are separated from a fit and loving parent with whom they once had a relationship have a hard, if not impossible, time trying to put the grief and confusion into words. Even to an adult, the removal of a fit and loving parent from a child's life makes no sense and borders on insanity. Imagine the grief and utter confusion which goes on in the mind of a child.
Temper Tantrums - Temper Tantrums are typically caused by a child not knowing how to communicate his feelings (as stated above). Acting out with anger and frustration become the only way a child knows how to get his feelings "out".
Minimizing the Effects
With all that being said, it's critical for Non Custodial parents to do their best to continue taking the "high road" and not trying to "counter" the Custodial parents alienation attempts with alienation attempts of their own. It's critical to always do your best with the resources you have on a given day. Remember that your children will one day grow up and look back at who truly acted in their best interest in regard to their relationship with the other parent. When children reach a mature age, they will very clearly see that a nice house, a slightly better school, a slightly higher paying job... none of it was worth losing a fit and loving parent over. When children grow, they will remember the negative comments made by one parent about the other and they will be able to analyze those statements to determine if they were true or false.
One of the best ways you can help minimize the effects on your child(ren) is to DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT! Keep a binder, or ten binders if you must, with every hearing, every transcript, every e-mail, anything and everything you can keep to show your children when they become adults how and why things happened the way they did. Keep in touch with old friends that may even have appeared to be on your X's side during the divorce. It's another interesting phenomena (if you want to call it that) how the truth always prevails and people eventually see through lies and manipulation.
The Courageous Kids Network is a growing group of young people, whose childhoods were shattered by inhumane court rulings, which forced us to live with our abusive parent, while restricting or sometimes completely eliminating contact with our loving and protective parent. We who survived got older and stronger. Now we are telling the world how much we were hurt, first by our abusers then by the court which refused to protect us. We are joining together to find strength, support and healing. We welcome contact from any kids who may need to talk, and who need to know they are not the only ones experiencing these issues.
"So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home." (Tecumseh).
American Fathers Liberation: ALL Men’s Rights are Human Rights. ’nuff said http://bit.ly/1JgMgEm
