American Fathers 4Change with a mission of helping to bring awareness that by increasing the proportion of children growing up with involved, responsible, and committed fathers it will improve the well being of children.
"The man as he converses is the lover; silent, he is the husband." ~ Honore de Balzac
Steps To Take To Deal With Your Alienated Children
Dealing With Them When During Visitation/After Reunification.
First of all, let us discuss the more common of the two; the scenario of visitation.
Whether visitation is one day of the week or several, the behavior of an alienated child is most likely to be the same. Children are generally resistant and defiant, and will attempt to diffuse the alienated parent, and will make every attempt to diffuse the visitation. From ill behavior, violence, rudeness, underhanded tack ticks, you can expect anything.
Generally, anything and everything can happen and a parent has to be on their guard. This is no time for cupcakes and ice cream. Young children in the family have to be guarded as well if they are from a second marriage. If I am sounding harsh, I mean to be, I am realistic. I have seen this happen.
Of course, as with everything in life, there are acceptations to every rule.
You may have a perfectly adjusted child who has been alienated from you. If that is the case, ignore everything I have said above.
These children are emotionally behind by ten years by the time they are in their teens. Yes, they behave like 6-8 year olds. They may walk, talk and look like their peers, and are 4.0 students like my four children are, but emotionally, they are stunted.
I firmly believe as a CARD CARRYING BLACK MAN that the judicial system as it operates today is designed to CASTRATE, EFFEMINIZE and/or INCARCERATE black males for the sake of control.
This not only effects black men because we see white men getting caught up as collateral damage in traps meant to snare black men. Of all women, BLACK WOMEN know of these traps more than any females in the states!
It's Time to Speak Up for Male Victims of Domestic Violence!
Men's Rights Group of Arizona LLC: A Male Victim of Domestic Violence Speaks!
Hello Everyone,
In recent weeks there has been much speculation about my so-called “criminal past”. Today I want to clear up a few things as I move forward with my campaign to sit on the Central Arizona College Board. Therefore,
Additionally, I would also like to point out Lando Voyles was a major player in how my case ended for the worse. For all intense and purposes, Lando Voyles and Richard Wintory knew Judge Lorona in the Eloy Justice Court had a vested interest in finding men guilty of domestic violence. Judge Lorona was part owner and manager of the PinalHispanic Council where all her domestic violence offenders were court ordered to attend classes. While the Presiding Judge and Board President of the Pinal Hispanic Council she diverted court funds into her domestic violence programs she operated and managed. Lando Voyles and Richard Wintory knew this court was corrupt but didn’t care so long as they kept winning cases for this year’s reelection cycle.
I fully plan to run and keep my position on the Central Arizona College Board. I hope that once you see the full experience I endured as a male victim of domestic violence you many understand why this period of my life was extremely painful and life altering.
Please Read and share this post. Thank you for your continued support!
Original Air Date: Monday, February 04, 2013
http://www.albertaprimetime.com/Stories.aspx?pd=4755
Family violence is a constant problem, but the discussion is often limited to female victims. Many men also deal with violence and abuse, but perhaps lack access to the same resources. Does our approach to this issue need to change? Are solutions to family violence gender-specific? We talk to Dustin Tkachuk, from Legal Aid Alberta and Earl Silverman, from the Family of Men Support Society.
Information about both these organizations can be found here:
Imagine you are in a divorce. You’ve been a dedicated parent and you aren’t a convicted felon or being accused of a crime. Now imagine walking into a local court for a procedural hearing and in a single decree your children are banned from seeing you, speaking to you or communicating in any way based solely on hearsay and allegation. Nothing’s been proven, no due process has occurred to prove anything yet a capricious judge has made a snap decision that changes the rest of your life and your children’s. What would you do?
Unfortunately this scenario is the real life experience of thousands of families across the country. An overzealous or biased Judge makes a snap decision that takes away the most important things in our lives. Whether or not you were the one seeking divorce there’s very little that parents who find themselves in this situation can do. Even when children are banned ‘temporarily’ from their parents, months can drag on to years between court dates and there’s no pause button in life. Milestones go by, alienation grows, bitterness increases and worst of all children experience immense pain and loss. Surprisingly most states have no provisions to intervene when children are banned from their parents yet this is one of the cruelest punishments that a court can levy.
While the US Constitution gives the powers of marriage, divorce and adoption to state civil courts, state civil courts simply ignore their obligations to support the civil rights protections of parents as held in the US Constitution. Parents who can’t afford attorneys can lose their children fighting spouses with access to legal assistance. Children who are the ones ‘protected’ have no say in bizarre custody decisions. Evidence standards are non-existent in family courts in the USA so children can be taken from parents purely on accusation. However, since many courts receive federal aid and recent Supreme Court cases like Turner vs. Rogers have reinforced the concept of due process in divorce many parents are turning to federal courts to seek restoration of their parental rights based on civil rights arguments.
"Keith Harmon Snow's meticulously documented investigation into sex-trafficking of children by American judges is not to be missed... I might not believe what Mr. Snow has written if I had not independently investigated two dozen cases not discussed in his article, and found ample evidence of the precise dynamics he lays out for us here. Anyone who says they care about child welfare needs to learn what is happening in family courts and take action until it is stopped. Once you start reading this exposé, you won't be able to put it down." --Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?
"It is a national scandal that family courts systematically fail to protect children from physical and/or sexual abuse by a predatory parent. What is equally scandalous is the silence of the mainstream media to cover the issue... With luck, when reporters like Keith Harmon Snow shine a light on the grave injustices taking place in family courts, Americans will be filled with a sense of responsibility and take action to protect children from family court abuses." --Garland Waller Producer, No Way Out But One
"If you are facing the Family Law or Dependency Courts, do not enter until you have read this book by Keith Harmon Snow. We won my daughter's case and protected my grandchildren with the help of the article that led to this book." -- Lori Johnson, Los Angeles
The evolution of fatherhood research offers interesting insights into academics’ assumptions about how fathers contribute to their children’s well-being. These assumptions influence research agendas and, while sometimes being helpful, can also lead to misunderstanding fathers and their contributions. For instance, the scholarly study of fathers began with the Second World War when researchers made the assumption that father absence would lead young boys to become effeminate (Bach, 1946; McCord, McCord, & Thurber, 1962) or homosexual (see Pleck, 2007), with much of this research drawing on Freudian theory (Burton & Whiting, 1961). During this time and through much of the 1970s, aside from examining their presence or absence, fathers were not included in “parenting” research, which was primarily the study of the mother’s influence.
Then, in the 1980s, feminist thought began to influence the research field, and the assumptions about the father’s role expanded to include multiple aspects of parenting (see Lamb, 2000). Scholars began to categorize general “types” of father involvement (e.g., engagement, responsibility, accessibility) and study how these types influenced children (Lamb, Pleck, Charnov, & Levine, 1985, 1987). From this research grew a wealth of information on how a father’s involvement contributed to his children’s development (Lamb, 2010). Bolstered by these findings, fatherhood researchers increasingly argued that when studying child development, it was critical to study the father’s role.
At the same time, social movements arose that began to call into question two assumptions often underlying fatherhood research: 1) that what fathers do as parents is different from what mothers do and 2) that father involvement is essential for child well-being. Regarding the first assumption, it is certainly true that there is much overlap in what fathers and mothers do. Both mothers and fathers care for their children, express love, monitor, discipline, play, teach, etc. In fact, it is difficult to name acategoryof parenting tasks that fathers and mothers cannot both do. Jay Fagan and colleagues (Fagan, Day, Lamb, & Cabrera, 2014) found little research justification that “mothering” and “fathering” were different. They therefore conclude that there is justification for collapsing the terms “mothering” and “fathering” into “parenting.”
Regarding the second assumption about “essentiality,” Louise Silverstein and Carl Auerbach (1999) rightly challenged the notion that every child requires a father in order to successfully develop. Indeed, there are numerous examples of people who succeeded without being raised by a father. Barack Obama became President of the United States and Michael Phelps became the most decorated Olympic athletein history, and both were raised primarily without a father.
This medallion is usually near Richard DeBlase. It has pictures of his grandchildren, Natalie and Chase.
“Unless you see a face sometimes, names mean nothing,” said Richard DeBlase. Also close–a stack of papers detailing is efforts to try and get a grandparents bill of rights reinstated in Alabama. Natalie and Chase DeBlase were murdered in 2010. The children’s father, and Richard’s son, John DeBlase was convicted of their murder last year. This year another jury convicted Heather Keaton of murder–making her the first woman from Mobile Countysentenced to death. In the months leading up to children’s deaths, Richard DeBlase says they tried to see the kids but their parents always kept them away.
“I would have had the right to be able to see them physically and that was something I never could do,” said Richard DeBlase. Florida enacted its own laws for grandparents’ visitation this summer. While welcomed by advocates the grandparents rights law only applies to a select group in the sunshine state–if the parents of the children are both dead, missing or in a vegetative state–or if one parent meets any of those criteria and the other convicted of a felony.
Alabama passed its own grandparents visitation act years ago, but it was eventually overturned in 2011. The state Supreme Court saying the law violated the rights of parents to decide who their children can see. Richard DeBlase is hopeful something can change.
“Anytime you enact laws and legislation to help the kids, it helps everyone involved,” said DeBlase. ~~ By Chad Petri
Lost Parents: When High Conflict Divorce Leads to Parental Alienation
The space of time sandwiched between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can bring unique anguish for people whose children have become alienated from them through a high conflict divorce.
Parental alienation happens when a child becomes enmeshed with one parent, strongly allying himself or herself with that parent, and rejects the other parent without legitimate justification. These children are encouraged by one parent, the favored parent or alienating parent, to unjustly reject the other parent, the targeted parent. The children can fall prey to the alienating parent’s tactics as a means of escaping the conflict.
According to psychiatrist Dr. William Bernet, professor emeritus of Vanderbilt University and a researcher into the phenomenon, “Almost every mental health professional who works with children of divorced parents acknowledges that PA—as we define it—affects thousands of families and causes enormous pain and hardship.” (Parental Alienation, AACAP News, Sept 2013, pp. 255-256.)
Bernet and other researchers refer to eight criteria for diagnosing parental alienation, including a campaign of denigration against the targeted parent, the child’s lack of ambivalence, frivolous rationalizations for the child’s criticisms against the target parent, reflexive support of the alienating parent against the target parent, the child’s lack of guilt over exploitation and mistreatment of the target parent, borrowed scenarios, and the spread of the child’s animosity toward the target parent’s extended family or friends.
These criteria sound academic but their effect is exquisitely awful in the most human and primal way. The child basically constructs an alternate reality where the parent is some kind of monster. There’s no longer any sense of the parent as a human being with the ordinary nuances of the gray scale, or as a good-enough parent; the parent’s actions and statements are twisted, distorted, and massaged to “prove” that the parent is unworthy of contact.
Children will adamantly maintain that they themselves have compiled their list of rationalizations for the parentectomy in progress. This is called the independent thinker phenomenon.
For a parent who would willingly give his or her heart or liver to a beloved child who needs it, it’s a nightmarish turn of events. The pain is surreal, and it’s frequently heightened both by outright viciousness on the child’s part and by the child’s complete lack of remorse about the way he or she has treated the targeted parent. The child feels entitled to demonize the targeted parent and justified in doing so, and therefore entitled to behave with extreme nastiness toward the parent.
Amy J. L. Baker, PhD, one of Bernet’s research colleagues, writes about seventeen primary strategies used by the alienating parent to foster conflict and psychological distance between the child and the targeted parent.
These include poisonous messages to the child about the targeted parent in which he or she is portrayed as unloving, unsafe, and unavailable, such as, “your mother is a rage monster who shames you”; erasing and replacing the targeted parent in the heart and mind of the child, “you can trust mommy, she doesn’t judge and malign you like daddy does”; encouraging the child to betray the targeted parent’s trust, “how bad was daddy this weekend?”; and undermining the authority of the targeted parent, “your mom’s rules don’t apply, you don’t have to listen to your mother, do whatever you want.”
The targeted parent can feel bewildered when witnessing the alienating parent’s strategies, because the distance itself is so unthinkable. It doesn’t feel real in the context of a history of a normal loving relationship with a son or daughter. It’s shocking and heart-rending when those toxic tactics succeed. “Alienation occurs when one parent gives the child permission to break the other parent’s heart,” Baker notes.
Dennis G. Jacobs, the chief judge of the federal appeals court in New York, is a candid man, and in a speech last year he admitted that he and his colleagues had ''a serious and secret bias.'' Perhaps unthinkingly but quite consistently, he said, judges can be counted on to rule in favor of anything that protects and empowers lawyers. Read more… 777 more words
"So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home." (Tecumseh).
American Fathers Liberation: ALL Men’s Rights are Human Rights. ’nuff said http://bit.ly/1JgMgEm
Dealing With Them When During Visitation/After Reunification.
Whether visitation is one day of the week or several, the behavior of an alienated child is most likely to be the same. Children are generally resistant and defiant, and will attempt to diffuse the alienated parent, and will make every attempt to diffuse the visitation. From ill behavior, violence, rudeness, underhanded tack ticks, you can expect anything.
