American Fathers 4Change with a mission of helping to bring awareness that by increasing the proportion of children growing up with involved, responsible, and committed fathers it will improve the well being of children.
"The man as he converses is the lover; silent, he is the husband." ~ Honore de Balzac
Parental estrangement is not a mental disorder; it refers to a child’s rejection of a parent for a good reason. For example, a child might refuse to have a relationship with a parent who previously was abusive or neglectful or who abandoned the family. If one of the parents perpetrated domestic violence within the family, it is understandable that the child might avoid parenting time with that person. It is not a mental disorder to reject a relationship and avoid spending time with an abusive individual; it is normal for a child to behave in that manner.
Although parental estrangement is not a mental disorder, there are terms in DSM-5 that can be used to identify children who experience this condition. In DSM-5 abuse and neglect are found in the section “Other Conditions That May Be a Focus of Clinical Attention,” which are referred to as “conditions and problems,” rather than “mental disorders.” The section includes personal history of physical abuse in childhood and personal history of neglect in childhood. When a clinical or forensic practitioner determines that a child exhibits parental estrangement, one of those terms may be used to establish the appropriate diagnosis.
Parental separation and divorce are common features of contemporary society. About 25% of children in the US live with only one parent.1 The parents may have been married and then separated or divorced; perhaps the parents were never married and never lived together; or perhaps the parents were never married, lived together, and later separated.
Mental health patients are guinea pigs when they are prescribed an array of psychotropic medications and subjected to a host of invasive procedures, such as ECT. At least Dr. Minuchin’s assessment for the cause of mental disorders offers optimism while remedy is benign and unintrusive: if you discard unhealthy relationships and situations, you will be symptom-free.
A symptom free life is therefore possible without being subjected to invasive medications and procedures. Dr. Minuchin has recognized that he is a salmon swimming upstream when he articulates this; but think about it: if his analysis was to become the norm, then 90% of the psychiatric community would need to become educated about relationship therapy. And it would also be more costly for the health insurance industry, which would then have to incur the expenses of reimbursing for more protracted relationship therapy instead of for the quick fixes of drug therapy.
No wonder there is such resistance to accepting this not so novel assessment of mental health diagnosis----in spite of 60+ years of empirical evidence and scientific support for this perspective.
If You Seek a Bio-Chemical Cause for Mental Health Disorders, you will become the “Little Train that Couldn’t”
By Linda J. Gottlieb, LMFT, LCSW-rMy opinion on the origin of mental illness is controversial to many in my profession. I maintain that emotional disturbances are situationally and not bio-chemically caused. But this position did not originate with me. It originated with my mentor, Salvador Minuchin, the world-renowned, highly respected child psychiatrist.
Dr. Minuchin (as with his contemporaneous psychiatrists who founded the family therapy movement, such as Murray Bowen, Don Jackson, Jay Haley, Carl Whitaker, Nathan Ackerman, John Weakland, et al.) does not accept an intra-psychic or biochemical cause of mental disorders. Resulting from 65 years of practice, Dr. Minuchin affirms that traumatic situations; unhealthy relationships; and dysfunctional family dynamics, such as the PAS, cause mental health disorders. Diagnosis of mental health is not a science! There is no empirical evidence for any mental health disorder. You cannot inject the brain, withdraw serum, and have it analyzed. Any psychiatrist or mental health diagnostician worth his/her salt (and even those who are not worth their salt) must acknowledge that diagnosis of emotional disorders is based merely upon “impressions.”
Although this may come as a shock to many readers, our current state of psychiatric diagnosis is NOT science.
This medallion is usually near Richard DeBlase. It has pictures of his grandchildren, Natalie and Chase.
“Unless you see a face sometimes, names mean nothing,” said Richard DeBlase. Also close–a stack of papers detailing is efforts to try and get a grandparents bill of rights reinstated in Alabama. Natalie and Chase DeBlase were murdered in 2010. The children’s father, and Richard’s son, John DeBlase was convicted of their murder last year. This year another jury convicted Heather Keaton of murder–making her the first woman from Mobile Countysentenced to death. In the months leading up to children’s deaths, Richard DeBlase says they tried to see the kids but their parents always kept them away.
“I would have had the right to be able to see them physically and that was something I never could do,” said Richard DeBlase. Florida enacted its own laws for grandparents’ visitation this summer. While welcomed by advocates the grandparents rights law only applies to a select group in the sunshine state–if the parents of the children are both dead, missing or in a vegetative state–or if one parent meets any of those criteria and the other convicted of a felony.
Alabama passed its own grandparents visitation act years ago, but it was eventually overturned in 2011. The state Supreme Court saying the law violated the rights of parents to decide who their children can see. Richard DeBlase is hopeful something can change.
“Anytime you enact laws and legislation to help the kids, it helps everyone involved,” said DeBlase. ~~ By Chad Petri
Lost Parents: When High Conflict Divorce Leads to Parental Alienation
The space of time sandwiched between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can bring unique anguish for people whose children have become alienated from them through a high conflict divorce.
Parental alienation happens when a child becomes enmeshed with one parent, strongly allying himself or herself with that parent, and rejects the other parent without legitimate justification. These children are encouraged by one parent, the favored parent or alienating parent, to unjustly reject the other parent, the targeted parent. The children can fall prey to the alienating parent’s tactics as a means of escaping the conflict.
According to psychiatrist Dr. William Bernet, professor emeritus of Vanderbilt University and a researcher into the phenomenon, “Almost every mental health professional who works with children of divorced parents acknowledges that PA—as we define it—affects thousands of families and causes enormous pain and hardship.” (Parental Alienation, AACAP News, Sept 2013, pp. 255-256.)
Bernet and other researchers refer to eight criteria for diagnosing parental alienation, including a campaign of denigration against the targeted parent, the child’s lack of ambivalence, frivolous rationalizations for the child’s criticisms against the target parent, reflexive support of the alienating parent against the target parent, the child’s lack of guilt over exploitation and mistreatment of the target parent, borrowed scenarios, and the spread of the child’s animosity toward the target parent’s extended family or friends.
These criteria sound academic but their effect is exquisitely awful in the most human and primal way. The child basically constructs an alternate reality where the parent is some kind of monster. There’s no longer any sense of the parent as a human being with the ordinary nuances of the gray scale, or as a good-enough parent; the parent’s actions and statements are twisted, distorted, and massaged to “prove” that the parent is unworthy of contact.
Children will adamantly maintain that they themselves have compiled their list of rationalizations for the parentectomy in progress. This is called the independent thinker phenomenon.
For a parent who would willingly give his or her heart or liver to a beloved child who needs it, it’s a nightmarish turn of events. The pain is surreal, and it’s frequently heightened both by outright viciousness on the child’s part and by the child’s complete lack of remorse about the way he or she has treated the targeted parent. The child feels entitled to demonize the targeted parent and justified in doing so, and therefore entitled to behave with extreme nastiness toward the parent.
Amy J. L. Baker, PhD, one of Bernet’s research colleagues, writes about seventeen primary strategies used by the alienating parent to foster conflict and psychological distance between the child and the targeted parent.
These include poisonous messages to the child about the targeted parent in which he or she is portrayed as unloving, unsafe, and unavailable, such as, “your mother is a rage monster who shames you”; erasing and replacing the targeted parent in the heart and mind of the child, “you can trust mommy, she doesn’t judge and malign you like daddy does”; encouraging the child to betray the targeted parent’s trust, “how bad was daddy this weekend?”; and undermining the authority of the targeted parent, “your mom’s rules don’t apply, you don’t have to listen to your mother, do whatever you want.”
The targeted parent can feel bewildered when witnessing the alienating parent’s strategies, because the distance itself is so unthinkable. It doesn’t feel real in the context of a history of a normal loving relationship with a son or daughter. It’s shocking and heart-rending when those toxic tactics succeed. “Alienation occurs when one parent gives the child permission to break the other parent’s heart,” Baker notes.
"So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home." (Tecumseh).
American Fathers Liberation: ALL Men’s Rights are Human Rights. ’nuff said http://bit.ly/1JgMgEm
