"The man as he converses is the lover; silent, he is the husband." ~ Honore de Balzac


Invisible Victims of Domestic Violence

Male Victims of Domestic Violence

Often Unseen, Not Believed

October 29, 2015 by Robert Franklin, Esq, Member, National Board of Directors, National Parents Organization
This is a good article on an important topic – domestic violence (Yahoo, 10/26/15). It’s not without its flaws, but overall, it’s a good effort by author Jenna Birch to communicate some of the basics to a large audience. Domestic violence is important to family court issues because it’s often raised there as a tactic to gain an advantage in a child custody case. In the past, countless family lawyers have admitted the use of domestic violence allegations in family courts for precisely that reason.
Birch’s main point is that men and women equally are victims of domestic violence.
Yet in 2010, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released data from its National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey — and one of the most shocking statistics wasn’t just the sheer total of victims of physical violence but also how those numbers broke down by gender.
According to the CDC’s statistics — estimates based on more than 18,000 telephone-survey responses in the United States — roughly 5,365,000 men had been victims of intimate partner physical violence in the previous 12 months, compared with 4,741,000 women. By the study’s definition, physical violence includes slapping, pushing, and shoving. 
More severe threats like being beaten, burned, choked, kicked, slammed with a heavy object, or hit with a fist were also tracked. Roughly 40 percent of the victims of severe physical violence were men. The CDC repeated the survey in 2011, the results of which were published in 2014, and found almost identical numbers — with the percentage of male severe physical violence victims slightly rising.
“Reports are also showing a decline of the number of women and an increase in the number of men reporting” abuse, says counselor and psychologist Karla Ivankovich, PhD, an adjunct professor of psychology at the University of Illinois, Springfield.
Of course we’ve known this since the late 1970s. Indeed, the very first broad-based, scientifically reliable survey done for the National Institute of Mental Health in 1976 revealed parity in victimization and perpetration by men and women. Since then, literally hundreds of studies have produced similar data.
Despite the science on DV, public policy took root in the false claims of extremists who insisted that virtually all perpetrators were men and virtually all victims were women. Amazingly, some 40 years later, that public policy is still stuck in that false past. Therefore, in the United States, there are still only two DV shelters for men, (one opened in Florida recently) compared with hundreds for women.

Progress! Finally, there is mention in the media of concerns about Family Courts. Way to go New Jersey. Way to go NJ4Kids/NJ4ParentalEquality.The rest of us can kick it up too. Be seen where your at.
Posted by Disgusted Dads on Thursday, October 15, 2015

The Invisible Victims


October is domestic violence awareness month. In the true spirit of raising public awareness, Shrink4Men,AVoiceForMen and DAHMW (the Domestic Abuse Hotline for Men and Women) would like to shine a spotlight on a group of individuals who comprise approximately half the victims of domestic violence. A group who is afforded very few resources and are typically ignored and/or ridiculed when they speak out about their victimization — often by the very individuals seeking to raise public awareness about the insidious social malady of domestic violence.

Who is this invisible and marginalized group of domestic violence victims pushed to the periphery of public awareness?


[*If you are already aware about the difficulties male victims of domestic violence face, please scroll to the end of this article to find out how you can help.]
Men are turned away from most domestic violence shelters. Men do not meet eligibility to receive aid from most domestic violence support organizations by virtue of being men, which is nothing short of overt discrimination, sexism and bigotry.
To the best of our knowledge, there are no court advocacy programs for male victims of domestic violence. Men (and their children) are not eligible for state and federal stipends for safe housing from their female abusers. There are no free or subsidized counseling programs nor are there free legal services/legal aid for male victims of domestic violence.
In the United States, there is only one shelter for male victims of domestic violence (the Valley Oasis Shelter in Antelope, CA) out of the approximately 1,800 shelters available to women and their children nationwide. Canada also used to have a domestic violence shelter for men that was run by the late Earl Silverman.
Mr. Silverman committed suicide this past spring after succumbing to a state of learned helplessness and hopelessness after years of begging for funding and assistance for his much needed shelter. Essentially, Canadian women’s domestic violence organizations locked arms and blocked Mr. Silverman from the funding trough. The same thing happens to organizations like DAHMW in the United States.
The repeated message to organizations that want to help male domestic violence victims seems to be, “Be grateful for the few scraps of government funding that drop from the table and if you complain about the disparity, you won’t even get that.” The reality is that most governments are willfully blind to and/or profit from the suffering and victimization of their male citizens. Since men are currently the most underserved group of domestic violence victims, one would think funding the few organizations that help this population would receive priority from state and federal programs. Instead, male abuse victims are begrudgingly acknowledged, that is if they are acknowledged at all.

According to RADAR (Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting), less than 10% of the United States OVW’s (Office of Violence Against Women) funding is used to help male victims. A big part of the problem lies in the very names of the OVW and the VAWA (Violence Against Women Act). “Violence against women” is exclusionary and ignores half of all domestic violence victims. Even worse, it demonizes men as perpetrators and women as victims in the majority of domestic violence cases, which simply is not true.
It also doesn’t help that the U.S. Department of Justice refuses to fund research about male victims of domestic violence. On page 6 of the DOJ’s solicitation for proposals on intimate partner violence and stalking, they have a section that explicitly states what kind of projects they will not fund, including:

Proposals for research on intimate partner violence against, or stalking of, males of any age.
It is hard to imagine in this day and age that any victim of domestic violence is ignored, scoffed at or denied support, but this is precisely what we do to male victims. It will come as no surprise to many of you reading this that men are approximately 40% to 50% of domestic violence victims. Sadly, most people are still woefully ignorant about domestic violence in large part due to persistently dishonest and misleading public awareness campaigns, data gathered via unscientific methodology and woozles like the 1 in 4 woozle about rape on college campuses.
Despite the abundance of peer-reviewed research on male domestic violence victims and female perpetrators, most domestic violence awareness campaigns focus exclusively on female victims as if our society isn’t already well aware that women can be victims of domestic violence. Many domestic violence organizations persist in publishing long ago debunked statistics that portray women as the victim and men as the primary aggressors in the majority of domestic violence cases.

Raising Public Awareness about Male Victims of Domestic Violence

"In His Own Words"
In an effort to bring attention to the pandemic of male domestic violence victims and female abusers, we will concurrently publish an "In His Own Words"
 post on AVoiceForMen and Shrink4Men every day in October. These posts will be from men who are or have been victims of domestic violence.

Heterosexual men aren’t the only invisible domestic violence victims. The two other populations that are also egregiously ignored are individuals in same sex relationships and the transgendered. We welcome your stories, too. If you would like to share your story about domestic violence, please send it to shrink4men@gmail.com. We are looking for written narratives and/or audio or video recordings that describe or illustrate the abuse you have suffered. If you have an audio or video file of your wife, girlfriend, ex, etc., in the midst of an abusive episode, we will publish those as well.
Please adhere to the following guidelines:
  1. Limit written testaments to no more than 2000 words and send as a Microsoft Word Document.
  2. Use paragraph breaks, spellcheck, etc.
  3. Please send video/audio recordings in a format that can be readily uploaded to YouTube.
  4. If you send and audio/video recording, also provide a written description of the file (i.e., the circumstances leading up to the abuse episode).
  5. Edit out identifying information before sending Word, video or audio files.
  6. If your abuse case is already a matter of public record (e.g., in a newspaper or online publication), you may use identifying information.
  7. Use DV AWARENESS SUBMISSION in the subject header of your email.
Due to time constraints, we may not be able to use submissions that require a great deal of editing, so please try to have your materials in the best shape possible before sending. Additionally, please consider including some of the following in your submissions:
  • Who is or was your abuser? Wife, girlfriend, fiancée, ex, grandmother, mother, sister, grandmother, aunt, etc.?
  • How long did the abuse go on?
  • What kind of abuse? Emotional, physical, parental alienation, financial, smear campaigns, stalking, false allegations of abuse, sexual, falsely obtained restraining order and other abuse via the courts and law enforcement, etc.?
  • When did you realize what you were experiencing was abuse?
  • Did you have difficulty believing you were being abused? If so, why?
  • Did you tell anyone you were being abused? Friends, family, therapist, clergy, police? What was their reaction?
  • If you were physically abused and called the police, what happened? If you did not call the police, why didn’t you?
  • What is your message to other men and boys who are being abused?
Activism Posters
DAHMW would like some help creating activism posters to offer for download on 
AVoiceForMen for everyone who participates in poster campaigns. If have poster creation skills, please contact us at the same email address listed above.

Shrink4Men Counseling, Coaching and Consulting Services: 
Dr. Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the 
Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.
Main Website

 Reblogged from ExInjuria:

The False Paradigm

An Exercise in Absolute Futility: Chapter Seven

If we put across this idea that the abuse of men is as great as the abuse of women, then it could seriously affect our funding." ~  Sandra Horley, CEO of Refuge (Wolff, 1992) We have seen that the courts operate to a series of ideologies which combine successfully to exclude fathers from their children’s lives.  The challenge for a mother’s legal team is to remove the presumption of non-intervention, expressed in the Children Act as the ‘no order’ rule, and to displace the father’s right to be considered an equal parent.    Read more… 

Media Release

April 26, 2012

Attorney General Biden, Legislators Propose Targeting False Statements to Law Enforcement Officers
Bipartisan group of former police officers sponsor legislation

Dover – Attorney General Beau Biden and a bipartisan group of lawmakers announced legislation today that will create a felony offense of providing false information to law enforcement officers.

Senate Bill 209, which is sponsored by Sen. Bruce Ennis, Rep. Larry Mitchell, Sen. David Lawson and Rep. Biff Lee, was introduced yesterday. Individuals who purposefully provide false information to police investigating a crime would be guilty of a Class G felony under the legislation and face the penalty of up to two years in jail.

The federal government and other states have laws that punish those who lie to police officers. This legislation adds to Delaware’s existing false reporting law by making it a crime to knowingly provide a false statement to law-enforcement in order to prevent, hinder or delay an investigation.

“I’m proud to be working with members of the General Assembly, some of whom are former police officers, to address this significant problem,” Biden said.

“Government’s most fundamental responsibility is to protect the public,” Biden said. “Those who lie to police officers protect criminals, force law enforcement officers to waste valuable time and threaten public safety. I am proud to be working with former police officers in the legislature to address a significant problem that our police agencies confront every day.”

Sen. Ennis, D-Smyrna, said the issue is a long-standing one and he hope the bill will make people think twice about lying to police and prosecutors during an investigation.

“I like the fact that we’re tailoring this law to fit the crime instead of using a one-size-fits-all approach,” said Ennis, a former state police officer. “The problem of people making false statements, for whatever reason, seems like it’s been around as long as there’s been crime. But I hope this makes people decide against making a false statement.”

A retired New Castle County Police officer, Rep. Mitchell said that the legislation would help police officers gather truthful information to solve crimes.

“When police are investigating a crime, any misstep can be critical. If someone lies to police and sends them down the wrong path, an innocent person could be drawn into the investigation, or police might not catch the criminal,” said Rep. Mitchell, D-Elsmere. “If a person intentionally lies to police, law enforcement should have the ability to hold them accountable. My hope is that this new charge not only catches those who make false statements, but it also prevents others from making the same mistake. The end goal is fewer false statements, which will help police do their jobs more effectively.”

Sen. Lawson, a retired state trooper, said: “I feel that any false information given to the police hinders and prolongs the investigation which allows criminals to generate more victims in the meantime.”

Rep. Lee, R-Laurel, stated, “I am proud to be a prime sponsor of this important legislation. It’s a bill that is overdue and one that I believe will go a long way toward assisting law enforcement with their investigations. As a former State Police officer, I see the value in providing law enforcement with the tools that are needed in order to fight against anything that would obstruct justice. I applaud Senator Ennis and Rep. Mitchell for taking the lead on this legislation and I look forward to working with them and the Attorney General’s Office in getting the bill signed into law.”


I Just Want To Be A Good Dad

My daughter is now 9 and despite a long court case, nothing much has changed. For 12 days every fortnight I am a hard-working, broken-hearted person and I cannot find anything in the UK to make me happy.
For the two days every fortnight that I get to spend with my daughter, I am a happy, proud and confident person, a total contrast to my days without her.

Yesterday I gazed out the window watching fireworks and was really missing my angel but I cannot call her, she doesn’t call me and knowing she is only a mile away hurts like hell.

My ex has hurt me for years on end and she seems relentless in erasing me from our daughter’s life and I am reduced to nothing more than a broken-hearted dad that battles on for justice in the courts, so that someone will make my ex encourage our daughter to see me as an equal parent and let me be a part of her life, good times and bad.
I have alot to give and alot to teach her but the only people she gets to see is her mothers’ friends and family, not a true representation of her whole family, which to me is abuse and falls under the title of parental alienation. This is the act of one parent trying to stop meaningful contact with the other parent.
It is time to stand up and make family laws fairer to stop child abuse being carried out and to promote shared parenting in the family courts so broken Britain can start to be repaired for the good of our communities.

The Children's Rights Blog was formed to give PARENT'S an outlet for support and to share their stories. These are not “PARENTS” who are out to avoid financial obligations or to ignore their children. These are PARENTS who are heart-sick, worried, scared and frustrated by not being able to spend time with their children. These are PARENTS who are fighting desperately for normal every day contact with their children. Nothing in this message or the group's archives should be considered legal advise. We provide to the general public and our website visitors information as a means to further their online legal research. All posted articles and any answers provided are merely suggestions and should not be regarded as legal advice. Please consult an attorney for that stuff because they claim to know these things and will happily charge you a lot of money for sharing their knowledge and experience. SUPPORT OUR CAUSE  Children’s Rights

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Why say NO to attorneys in the Legislature?

Why say NO to attorneys in the Legislature?

Check it out!



"So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home." (Tecumseh).

American Fathers Liberation: ALL Men’s Rights are Human Rights. ’nuff said http://bit.ly/1JgMgEm

Posted by American Fathers Liberation Army on Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.


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