"The man as he converses is the lover; silent, he is the husband." ~ Honore de Balzac


Father and Child Reunion

A brave dad battles parental alienation

Carey Roberts

Carey Roberts
June 13, 2007
The elemental bond that links fathers with their children is the subject of ancient poetry, biblical legend, and even diplomatic stand-offs. Remember Homer's epic saga of Odysseus and Telemachus? The New Testament tale of the prodigal son? And of course the Elian Gonzalez case.
Xavier Quinta was born on June 24, 1998 to Bennett Vonderheide and Wendy Flanders of Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. But the relationship went sour and the couple separated.
In February 2003 the judge awarded custody of Xavier to his mother, ordering that he spend two days a week with his father. But Flanders soon decided to ignore the judge's order, at first restricting visits to only two hours a day, and then thwarting all contact for months at a time.
But that wasn't enough, so Flanders schemed to alienate Xavier from his father.
According to the contempt motion, Flanders first withheld information from Ben, refusing to advise him about school programs, teacher conferences, or even the name of the kindergarten where Xavier would be attending. [http://wendyflanders.com/bjvfilings/bjvfilings%20001.htm]
She then fabricated multiple allegations of abuse, a claim of fear being the only proof she needed. Then she used these unproven accusations to show Xavier that his father was a perp. On the advice of counselors, the father once made several telephone calls to the child. The mother then claimed those calls amounted to harassment. The district attorney later dismissed the ridiculous charge.
Next she resorted to outright manipulation. One day Flanders informed the father he wouldn't be allowed to see his son for Christmas Eve. Then she had the child dress up in anticipation of the father's visit. When the father didn't arrive, she used that as proof the father was a deadbeat.
And finally, Flanders violated a key requirement of the custody order that neither make "derogatory comments about the other parent." Instead, she waged a campaign of calumnies, repeatedly calling Ben a liar and abuser.
Once Xavier introduced his father to his classmates as, "This is my Daddy — he is filled with hatred and anger" — a phrase that a five-year-old boy is unlikely to come up with on his own.
But as Xavier grew older, he began to realize that he was caught in the middle of a high stakes tug-of-war. He said he didn't want his mother to control him, and much to her dismay wanted to spend more time with dad.
That gave Vonderheide his opening. He decided to stop the mother from turning the child's transfer into a screaming confrontation. At the next visit, the father sat calmly on a bench, and cast his best "I'm not sure what game you're playing but I'm not interested" look. Problem solved
Once accused of being "the worst dad in the world," Vonderheide pointed out to his son that Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden had killed thousands of persons. "So I'm at least the third worst dad in the world," dad humorously concluded.
Sometimes Xavier got so angry that he refused to eat. So his father concocted a sumptuous dessert. "This is just for daddy — I know you really want this good creamy stuff but you can't have it." Vonderheide teasingly added, "I don't want any of my sweet stuff to be taken by the sugar monster." Of course Xavier couldn't resist that challenge.
Last month Wendy Flanders was found guilty on three counts of making false statements to law enforcement officials, fined, and placed on probation. And Ben Vonderheide's record was expunged on many of the counts against him. The battle cost him $350,000 in legal expenses. [www.renewamerica.us/columns/roberts/070606]
Ben recounts this inspirational song by Edwin McCain:
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive,
These are the moments I'll remember all my life,
I've got all I've waited for,
And I could not ask for more.
This Sunday, 8-year-old Xavier will be spending Father's Day with his dad. They plan to play laser tag, go for a hike, and maybe take in a movie.
Father and son, reunited.

Carey Roberts is an analyst and commentator on political correctness. His best-known work was an exposé on Marxism and radical feminism.
Mr. Roberts' work has been cited on the Rush Limbaugh show. Besides serving as a regular contributor to RenewAmerica.us, he has published in The Washington Times, LewRockwell.com, ifeminists.net, Men's News Daily, eco.freedom.org, The Federal Observer, Opinion Editorials, and The Right Report.
Previously, he served on active duty in the Army, was a professor of psychology, and was a citizen-lobbyist in the US Congress. In his spare time he admires Norman Rockwell paintings, collects antiques, and is an avid soccer fan. He now works as an independent researcher and consultant.
© Copyright 2007 by Carey Roberts

1 comment:

  1. You have a right to learn these and you have a right to expect your attorney to protect these. Your rights are what protect you from the kind of attorneys that are opposing a measure that protects your ability to protect your child from their meddling invasions into your life and your child's life. You don't have to prove you are a good parent, they have to prove you are unfit or a clear and present danger. Vote yes on Measure 6 and keep the attorneys, and psychologists out of your pocketbook and from spending your child's future.


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"So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home." (Tecumseh).

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