Fathers, Fear No More: Divorce Laws Are Fair, We Just Don't Know It
[vimeo 71370328 w=520 h=390]
I am no lawyer, all right. But after watching for the second times divorce lawyer Yvette Harrell's video on the Huffington Post from August 10, I am still bemused about the fairness of divorce laws in this country. Can anybody enlighten me?
What I grasp from Yvette Harrell's interview is that we, would-be divorced fathers and divorced fathers, have an information problem.
[vimeo 71370328 w=520 h=390]
I am no lawyer, all right. But after watching for the second times divorce lawyer Yvette Harrell's video on the Huffington Post from August 10, I am still bemused about the fairness of divorce laws in this country. Can anybody enlighten me?
What I grasp from Yvette Harrell's interview is that we, would-be divorced fathers and divorced fathers, have an information problem.
A Long Road
In the middle of the drama this week with my 18 year old, I got a text from her Grandpa (my exwife's dad). Having been through a divorce with her mom when my ex was in junior high and having been aggressively alienated from his kids by his ex-wife, he is intimately aware of how difficult the process is. Keep in mind, this would be the very first time that I have heard from anyone on her side of the family since the separation, with the exception of a couple of hellos as they walked past.
In the middle of the drama this week with my 18 year old, I got a text from her Grandpa (my exwife's dad). Having been through a divorce with her mom when my ex was in junior high and having been aggressively alienated from his kids by his ex-wife, he is intimately aware of how difficult the process is. Keep in mind, this would be the very first time that I have heard from anyone on her side of the family since the separation, with the exception of a couple of hellos as they walked past.
Domestic Violence: Not Always One Sided - A Havard Health Publication
Dear Friends,
This year’s theme is “Hold False-Accusers Accountable.” We have put together a list of activities to help you educate others on false allegations of abuse. First, educate yourself with our hand-out “False Allegations by the Numbers.” Then ask your local newspaper or radio station to cover the issue. [image: False Allegations Awareness Month] *Read More:*
“Relationship Estrangement and Interference is a form of Domestic Violence using Psychological abuse.”
ReplyDelete~ Joan Kloth-Zanard of PAS Intervention.
www.pas-intervention.com
PAS Intervention stands for Parental Alienation Support and Intervention. It is an International Non-profit organization to End Child Abuse and Parental Alienation.
HOW DID CHILDREN OF DIVORCE GET STUCK WITH THE VISITATION PLAN THAT AFFORDS THEM ACCESS TO THEIR NON-RESIDENTIAL PARENT ONLY ONE NIGHT DURING THE WEEK AND EVERY OTHER WEEK-END?
ReplyDeleteWhat is the research that supports such a schedule? Where is the data that confirms that such a plan is in the best interest of the child?
Well, reader, you can spend your time from now until eternity researching the literature, and YOU WILL NOT DISCOVER ANY SUPPORTING DATA for the typical visitation arrangement with the non-residential parent! The reality is that this arrangement is based solely on custom. And just like the short story, "The Lottery," in which the prizewinner is stoned to death, the message is that deeds and judgments are frequently arrived at based on nothing more than habit, fantasy, prejudice, and yes, on "junk science."
This family therapist upholds the importance of both parents playing an active and substantial role in their children's lives----especially in situations when the parents are apart. In order to support the goal for each parent to provide a meaningfully and considerable involvement in the lives of their children, I affirm that the resolution to custody requires an arrangement for joint legal custody and physical custody that maximizes the time with the non-residential----with the optimal arrangement being 50-50, whenever practical. It is my professional opinion that the customary visitation arrangement for non-residential parents to visit every other weekend and one night during the week is not sufficient to maintain a consequential relationship with their children. Although I have heard matrimonial attorneys, children's attorneys, and judges assert that the child needs the consistency of the same residence, I deem this assumption to be nonsense. I cannot be convinced that the consistency with one's bed trumps consistency with a parent!
Should the reader question how such an arrangement can be judiciously implemented which maximizes the child's time---even in a 50-50 arrangement----with the non-residential parent, I direct the reader to the book, Mom's House, Dads House, by the Isolina Ricci, PhD.
Indeed, the research that we do have supports the serious consequences to children when the father, who is generally the non-residential parent, does not play a meaningful role in lives of his children. The book, Fatherneed, (2000) by Dr. Kyle Pruitt, summarizes the research at Yale University about the importance of fathers to their children. And another post on this page summarizes an extensive list of other research.
Children of divorce or separation of their parents previously had each parent 100% of the time and obviously cannot have the same arrangement subsequent to their parents' separation. But it makes no sense to this family therapist that the result of parental separation is that the child is accorded only 20% time with one parent and 80% with the other. What rational person could possibly justify this?